Name: Miss Singleton (Real name is undisclosed; I'll tell you if we become good friends)
Any nicknames? Yes but I won't tell you.
*What are you interested in?*
I'm straight and I would like to be married to a man oneday. For now I want to make friends and discuss Quran. I need Quran-only friends the most!
-Are you interested in a man or a woman?
-What age/age range would you like that person to be?
-What types of qualities are you looking for in a potential partner? (ie, Are you interested in someone who knows how to cook? Do you want someone who is taller than you?) Any personality traits you are interested in?
Yes, a man who can cook is hot. A man who enjoys it and has a lot of dishes in his mind (he's open to international dishes). Shows he doesn't have a silly mindset that women belong in the kitchen.
He has to have interesting hobbies and be an independent man. I would like to be with a man who can stand up for right and be against wrong. And yes, I'd like him to be taller than me. I'm 5 ft 5 and a half. My ideal man will be at least 5 ft 11. Makes me feel safe.
Other then that: (Pretty much brings to the marriage table what I will bring)
Follows Quran-Only and has love for Allah: I’m this and my husband will have to be this too. Living our life according to the Quran (God’s rules).
Faithfulness: this is high on my list. Right after being devoted to Allah alone. I am no cheater and I will not tolerate other cheaters. There is no forgiveness for this sin.
Kind: He can't be harsh and like me, I'd like a polite man. Cuz I'm polite too.
Respect: Another important trait for a successful marriage. Have to respect each other’s choices- if it’s wrong, kindly point that out. Never belittle your spouse.
Honesty: If there’s something wrong or I need to say something, I’ll say it. Keeping secrets in a marriage is bad and will erode it. Husband needs to be honest too. (and keep in mind to be kind)
Judgemental & Open Minded: He has to be open minded but also have an ability to discern people and know what kind of people they are.
Have a sense of humour: There’s nothing more depressing than a man who sits and broods all day without at least attempting to say funny things that will make me smile- he doesn't have to be a stand up comedian. I understand, sometimes we all need to sit and brood at the unfairness of the people in this world and have our SAD days but I need a spouse who won’t take his anger out on me and the people I/we care about. Plus, a bit of cheeky flirting is good for marriage too.
Intelligent/smart/Mature: I feel these three are essentially one and the same. Think rationally, talk properly and use their god given wisdom.
Self-Control: I can control myself and keep my emotions in check, I want the same from my husband.
Taking care of health and looks: He doesn't have to be Brad Pitt. Just someone who shaves- doesn't have a beard, showers/bathes 4 times a week at least, puts on cologne or some nice men’s scent, wears clean clothes, eats like a gentleman and has a nice hairstyle.
I take care of myself, clean daily and put on perfume so I’d want someone who does the same.
Be willing to show interest in me and my hobbies/Support: I want to talk, I want to introduce my man into my world and have him love my writing and enjoy it. I’d also take an interest in his hobbies too. I want him to encourage me as I will encourage him to be the best he can be. He will be my friend too. I can talk to him about anything. He can talk to me about anything as well. We should be able to become that close and keep each other’s secret safe.
No gossip kind: I hate a man who gossips just as much as I hate a woman who gossips. It’s ugly. It’s disgraceful.
Basically, he’ll be a good man who strives to please Allah first and is pleased that I do the same (He can’t say to me, “You obey me and I obey god like Sunni men”)- if that’s met then everything else will fall into place and he won’t be a disgraceful person.
-Do you want to have a career while you are married, or are you interested in being a stay-at-home mom/dad?
I hope so. I would love to have a job. Even if it’s freelance and home based, at least it’ll be something I can put on my CV.
-How many children would you like to have, if at all?
2-3. (I want at least 1 girl and 1 boy)
-What are your religious beliefs?
Just to follow one god and abide by the Quran.
-Do you consider religion to be an important part of your life?
If it’s man-made, no. God’s religion is perfect for me.
-In terms of a spouse, are you open to differing religious beliefs? If so, to what degree? Or would you ideally like to be with someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you?
I can’t be with someone who believes in more than one god, I can’t be with an atheist and I can’t be with Sunni/Shias. I can only be with someone who like me follow the Quran only and believes in the one god. I don’t want to risk it falling into hatred because the other person is trying to change my beliefs or I am trying to talk the other person into the truth but to no avail. I tried to inform my parents of the right path, of Quran and Allah but they ignored me. I can’t face that again. It really hurts.
-What are some of your personality traits? Are you funny? Mature? Adventurous? A good listener? Opinionated? Optimistic? Patient? Kind?
Like I listed in what I expect from my spouse. I’ll go through with them here in more detail.
Good Listener: This is actually one of my skills. I hate butting in when other people are talking so I just soak up the information, remember it in case I have to help solve the problem or just for the sake of it. Patient and Kind fits into this too. I don’t see the point in being horrible and talking to people badly. If you got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Mature: I’m the eldest out of my siblings. I had responsibility thrusted upon me time and time again. I’m mature because I had to survive.
Adventurous: I’m a careful person. Picky about destinations and I double check all the time. I can be fun when the time and place is right.
Opinionated: I have my opinions and respect other peoples too. If I feel someone’s thinking is wrong, I just avoid them.
Optimistic: It’s better than being pessimistic all the time and helps me cope.
-What are some of your faults?
I tend to blame myself if things go wrong.
I love with a passion and can also hate with a passion. (As in I find it hard to forgive and forget that easily- I do act civil with someone who’s been nasty to me but I carry that grudge if they don’t show remorse for their actions)
I sometimes lack belief in myself. If something good happens to me, I feel like I need someone to tell me it’s real.
I can let things slide easily if I am wronged by strangers. Sometimes I need to be confrontational and I am not because I am scared of losing control of the situation.
I am shy. I’m that wallflower in parties.
Every time I feel sad or bad, I just pray to God to give me strength to cope in this life.
-Do you enjoy travelling? Would you rather go out or do you prefer spending time at home?
Oh yeah! I’ve always wanted to go travelling but no one is available. I’d like to go with someone special who would enjoy with me and experience new things with me. Make good memories. I have a list of places I’d like to go. I just need a special someone who would love to experience it with me.
-Do you speak a different language?
Four languages. English, Bengali, Hindi and I’m currently learning Japanese.
-What is your cultural background? Do you believe that cultural/racial background matters if you are searching for a spouse, or are you open to inter-cultural/racial marriage?
I am from a Bengali family. I’m born and raised in UK so I consider myself British first and that English is my mother tongue- not Bengali. I am okay with inter-racial marriage, I do have preferences like everyone else but I hate it when there are racism within desi cultures.
“Oh you can’t get with this guy cuz he’s white and you’re Asian.”- I’ve heard this many times from traditional Asian people.
-What do you like to do? What interests you about these hobbies?
Writing: My first and foremost hobby. It’s my passion, my therapy. I believe god gave me this skill to calm down and to keep my sanity. I love plotting, structuring and writing short stories. I used to write fanfiction- just to practice. I’ve been writing since I was a little girl and carried on since. Right now, I’m writing a few short stories. I prefer writing in romance/fantasy generes. By fantasy, I don’t mean dragons and knights on horses. I mean superhuman in cities. I love urban settings and writing in the now. My friends have read my stuff and really enjoy it.
Digital Art: I’ve always loved sketching and I got interest in graphic design and digital art. I enjoy painting, editing pictures, uploading my own art and colouring it on digital art programme. I’m getting better at this.
Learning Japanese: I love learning new things- like language and currently am teaching myself how to say phrases in Japanese. I like the sound of the language when it’s being spoken and find it fun. I plan to go to Tokyo one day and speak Japanese with finesse.
-Do you play any sports?
Not unless Zumba and swimming count. Used to play basketball but I can’t play that myself.
-What is your favorite genre of music? Any favorite musicians/singers/artists that you like?
I loved RnB back in the days, 2001-2005 era. Now it’s varied, the artist I like are, OneRepublic- their lyrics are so good and so it their meaning, I like instrumental electric music by Akitaka Tohyama and Sanodg, I also like some Indian songs by Himesh Reshamiya, Shaan, Alka Yagnika and Kumar Sanu.
-Which genre of music do you dislike?
Heavy Metal Rock, Rude songs about death, drugs, sleeping around and disrespecting women. Rap music. Anything that sounds nasty to the ears- loud and full of lyrical nonsense.
-Favorite TV shows?
Grimm & Sleepy Hollow.
-Favorite movies? Favorite movie genre? (For instance, comedy, romance, horror, mystery, action/adventure, etc)
Rush Hour Series.
There’s much more films I’ve seen.
Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action, Fantasy, Old Bollywood movies like Dil To Pagal Hai, Koyla, Dilwale Dulhan Le Jayenge, Japanese Movies.
-Least favorite movie genre?
Cheesy rom coms, war movies and horror/gore- I hate this one the most.
-Any foods that you like?
I like pan fried salmon the most and mainly Japanese dishes like donburi & teppanyaki with lots of mange touts, carrots, peppers & pak choi.
Italian; lasagne, pasta…
Chinese (egg fried rice, kung po chicken, chow mein, fried won tons…etc)
Indian (tikaa and butter chicken, tandoori, kebab, naan bread, biryani)
I’m open to good food that is tasty and healthy.
-Any foods that you dislike?
Sick and tired of Bengali Curry and Rice.
-Where do you live?
-Would you be willing to move in order to be with your spouse? How far? (i.e. to a nearby state, across the country, or to a different country?)
I will relocate to an ideal place in the UK. By ideal I mean not by the seaside where there is a risk of house falling into the sea, not where things are expensive and not where bad people or tourists hang out.
-Would you rather your spouse move to where you live, or would you move to where they live? Or would you like to settle in a completely different place altogether?
Depends on the situation. I’d like to have a house in either my home city or his. Either one of us have to be familiar with the surroundings.
-Ideally, where would you want to live with your spouse?
But I wouldn’t mind spending a few months in another country in Europe or Japan. Somewhere that’s developed, safe and fun.
-Would you want to live in an urban area, suburban, or rural?
Surburban or Urban. Either one of those.
-Would you like to own a house one day? Or are you interested in rental?
I’d like to have my own house. Share with Hubby and kids.
-What type of residence would you like to live in? For instance, a house, an apartment, a townhome, a ranch etc.
A penthouse suite wouldn’t be bad either. I’d love a house though.
-In realistic terms, what would your dream home be like?
Semi Detached or Detached, big but not so big that I’d get lost in it. It’s modern interior and exterior, spacious, looking good both outside and inside. More than one bathroom. Jaccuzzi room perhaps. Solid foundation, safe. New. Four bedrooms.
Driveway or Garage.
-Do you believe love is important in a marriage? Why or why not?
Yes. Love is one of the essential ingredient in marriage. Love, Trust, Respect and Companionship. Without love, it’s not a marriage. It’s a contract of staying together which is bad.
-What is your idea of a romantic date with your spouse? (i.e. would you take your spouse to a restaurant, a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach, etc)
Anywhere we both feel comfortable.
A walk in the beach is nice only if it’s evening and there is a few people around It’s not romantic in the day where it’s hot and half naked people are sun-bathing.
A picnic- I’m not really into them unless again, done in a place where it’s, clean and safe but less crowded and I love evenings. So romance in a basket at a lovely place where the sunset is amazing.
Night out in a restaurant is more my thing. I hope it’s his too. Chance to dress up for hubby and spend time out.
If he can suggest more nice places, then I’ll be up for it.
-What is your pace when looking for someone to marry? Are you okay with knowing a person for a couple of months before marriage, or would you like to know someone for a longer amount of time before considering marriage? (such as a year or a couple of years?)
I’d like to know a person for a good six months first. I don’t rush into serious things. I want us to be friends first and see if we like each other, our hobbies, opinions, who we are…etc.
-Does your occupation require you to travel a lot? (This may be important if you want children)
If it did, I’d take my husband and say, “C’mon darling, let’s see the world in 80 days.”
Then come back home after with good memories.
-How happy are you in your occupation? Is it stressful, or do you love what you do?
Can’t answer this. I don’t have job.
-What are you majoring in?
English BA hons
-What are your career goals? Where would you like to see yourself (in terms of career or financially) years from now? (i.e. retired, working part-time, etc.)
I’d like to be working in communications or in publishing. I don’t mind freelance work either. I’m flexible- fulltime or part-time. I’d like to work and enjoy it.
-Do you make a fairly stable income? Enough to start a family?
I have no job atm so I can’t support a family myself. If husband is okay with this and wants to be the breadwinner for now- that’s cool. I’m sure one day, I’ll be helping him out in household expenses.
-Is income important to you when looking for someone to marry?
In my case, yes. I want to help out in the household expenses and not feel useless. I suppose most men also feel like this too. Otherwise they wouldn’t be interested in marrying a woman if they didn’t have a job.
-Do you own a house? A car? Do you believe it is important for someone to have these items before marriage?
I don’t feel that it is a pre-requisite but if he has a car, it’s all good- if not, that’s good too so we can go car shopping together. If he already has a house, that’s good too. If not, house shopping together.
-Are you financially responsible?
I am not responsible as I’m not the chief income earner in my house but I spend wisely and do not waste money. God doesn’t like those who waste.
-Are you looking for someone to marry?
-Do you want to be married in the near future, or in a couple of years?
Preferably before I’m 30. Got 6 of my twenties years left.
-How likely are you to work out an issue? Are you willing to compromise, or do you believe you have the final say?
Negotiation is very important. Both spouses need to come to an understanding. One can’t have it their way and neglect the other. Husband and Wife must talk out difference and understand that they should be thinking about each other’s needs rather than their own. That makes a marriage work. No one has the final say. A marriage gives husband and wife equal status. Both of them need to come to an agreement that is suitable.
-Do you believe it is better to be strict with a child or to be trusting and hands-off? What kind of parenting style are you interested in, and what are the benefits of it?
It’s important to give 50/50 to children. Both discipline and love. Being respectful, firm and kind to them is important to their wellbeing. It’ll help them grow into responsible adults who are on the right path. Spoilt children end up being greedy and apathetic adults because lack of discipline. Abused children end up bitter and antisocial because of lack of love. Unless God wills otherwise.
When a child makes a mistake, it’s important to admonish them (NO hitting!) and it’s also important to let them know what they did was wrong in a kind manner. Then explain to them what they should have done to handle the situation and imagine them in the other person’s shoes (if they hurt another kid or stole something)
It’s important to make them see other people’ POV to understand the consequences of their actions. It’s also important to make children feel that they have the support and love of their parents. I didn't get the support, advice and love from my own parents but with Allah’s grace, I didn't end up bitter and antisocial, I ended up learning a lesson not to do the same to my own children with what my parents did to me.
And teach your children the meaning of Quran, not just the Arabic words and sounds.
Inspire them to be wise and good.
-Are you good with kids?
Yes, being the eldest, I looked after my siblings. Babysitting the youngest now.
-What are your opinions on having a physical relationship before marriage? Do you believe all physical affection should be saved for after you are married? (like holding hands for instance) - What degree of a physical relationship do you think is okay before marriage, if at all? (i.e. holding hands, kissing on the cheek etc., or simply no physical relationship whatsoever).
I am vehemently against sex before marriage. Sex should be a show of love from spouse to the other. It’s intimate, special and often gets abused by a lot of people who have no commitment.
As for kissing on lips or cheek- this should only occur two people know they’re right for each other and intend to marry and spend the rest of their life together. Lest someone be mislead. Kissing is a powerful action and can lead to sex if there is no self-control. If you’re really serious about marrying this person, then by all means kiss. But if you know you can’t control yourself and you get aroused quickly, then don’t do it. People are different. I’m fine with this as long as my fiancé is alright with this and has self-control. Remember, God told us to guard our chastity, to lower our gaze and be modest. We have to always keep this in mind and not lose control. I’d also want my guy to respect my Quranic sentiments. I’d respect his.
Holding hands- I like this. I think this is sweet. I would hold hands with my fiancé. As long as we will get married. I find this okay.
-Do you have any sort of political affiliation? Do you believe this is important to you when looking for a spouse?
I just hope Labour wins next time but I’m not an avid political freak.
As long as he’s not a tori freak. Or freaked with parties and goes selling badges or stuff like that.
-What are your opinions on contemporary topics?
Egalitarianism: I'm all up for this. Men and women should be treated equally all over the world. By equal I mean with equal respect. You can't respect a woman if you oppress her and don't let her work. Vice versa.
Feminism: As long as it does not involve bra burning, walking around topless or radical beliefs. I think women need more support in certain countries, and if they need feminism as a stepping stone to freedom, then so be it.
Abortion: I only support this if the baby and the mother's life is in danger. I don't support this as a means of contraception. (unless in some rape cases- I can understand.
Inter-Culture Marriage: I support this.
-Do you have any pets? Share a little info about them.
Used to have goldfishes as kid. Currently have none.
-Are there any pets you don't like/would want to have in the house?
Dogs, cats and hamsters- basically I am not interested in keeping any pets. I have enough of neighbour’s cats walking around outside everywhere. I think cats are cute but only to look at and not keep in the house.
~Questions for potential interests~
-Are you willing to have pets in the house?
-Are you allergic to any animals?
No. But I really don’t like big dogs.
-Do you believe it is important to keep up good relations with family? Why or why not?
Good people= Good Relations.
For the sake of keeping one’s sanity and not being lead astray by hatred, I just be civil and think it’s important to be civil to family members you dislike and are in disagreement with. You can’t change their character, only they can if they want. And if they don’t, then they would have to answer to God for their wrong-doings.
As for good relations- that depends. When we look at the word “Good”, what do you mean? Good as in forgive and forget? Good as in start agreeing with them in everything? Good as in touching parent’s feet and obeying them?
I agree with neither.
In the Quran, God told us not to sit with bad people who talk bad because we will be the same like them. Doesn’t matter if it’s family or friends. Being civil is the best route which means talking to them calmly and not putting them in danger or playing mind games.
-Have you ever been in a relationship before?
-Have you ever been married before?
-Do you believe that the above two questions are an important factor in deciding whether or not you would be interested in someone?
For me yes. I’m picky and I want someone who has the same experiences as me. Never been in relationship or been married.
(online relationships don’t count because they’re not really relationships.)
-Do you consider yourself to be a healthy person? Do you exercise? Eat healthy?
I am active but not as much as I'd like to be (my goal is 1 hour a day) but I make daily efforts to exercise. I love Zumba, I love swimming and I love going on walks. Summer is usually the exercise season for me because I am most motivated when things are cheerful and bubbly. As for eating healthy, yes I am trying not to just drink coke and eat chocolates without at least having vegetables and fruits too.
-Do you have any habits that are bad for your health (i.e. smoking, drinking, eating too much junk food, etc.)
-Do you have any illnesses that you would want a spouse to know? For instance, you may be diabetic, or you could be allergic to certain animals or foods.
No, I don't have any illnesses.
-Would you be willing to be with someone who has an illness or a disability?
No. I'd be a friend and give them support though.
-Are you a vegetarian? A vegan?
None of them. (although I'd like to try this for a week for the experience)